Accepting Yourself and Others

When you perceive others to be treating you badly, the usual reaction is to feel resentment and an urge to retaliate or assert yourself. Sometimes you can get some sort of recourse, at other times, assertion may be necessary simply to send a strong signal.

However, there are times when you just can't do anything and there seems to be no way for your steam to escape. You're agitated and hurt but you seem to have no power to feel better. For example, you may have a boss who is authoritarian and pushy. You could quit, but you really need the job right now. What to do?

Well, try not judging him. Try accepting him instead. Now, normally, whenever he makes an unreasonable demand or cutting remark, you'd feel how you were being treated. You'd take the attack personally and imagine talking back. You'd feel the heat flare at your temples and your heart race. You'd keep replaying that incident over and over in your mind and continue to feel upset about it later. Basically causing more damage to yourself than he could possibly afflict.

But once you release the judgement and start seeing your boss with compassion, you'll feel an amazing freedom. Your boss is no longer that forked-tongued monster whom you'd like to strangle, but a flawed human being who's struggling with his own demons. There are obviously catalysts in his life that have caused him to handle his world in this manner, nagging problems that continue to push him to behave this way. In a way, he really deserves your sympathy.

We all struggle physically, emotionally and spiritually to survive in this world. To do this, we use all the means available to us. Our resources may be different and other people will respond in different ways based on what they can grasp or hold onto. We can't understand what it's like to be them, so how can we judge them?

If you think he's being hard on you and you feel angry about it, then you're being equally hard on yourself and on him. But if you stop clamping up and really try and open your heart to people, you'll stop being a slave of negative emotions.

You can apply this to anyone who makes you feel upset - don't judge them, accept them. Accept yourself, build your self-esteem, love yourself too much to feel angry. Over time, your quiet confidence and "non-defense" of yourself will make others think twice about making your life difficult. They will learn that their words and actions have no impact on your peace of mind. You know what they say? "The best revenge is living well."

Well, I suppose revenge can be sweet.