The Effects Of Divorce On Children

Divorce carries lifelong negative implications for children. It’s now known that emotional development in children is directly related to the presence of warm, nurturing, sustained and continuous interaction with both parents. Anything that interferes withthe vital relationship with either parent can have lasting consequences for the child.

For example, one landmark study revealed that 90 per cent of children from divorced homes suffered from an acute sense of shock when the separation occurred; including profound grieving and irrational fears. Fifty per cent reported feeling rejected, and indeed half of the fathers never came to see their children three years after the divorce. One-third of the children feared abandonment by the remaining parent, and 66 per cent experienced yearning for the absent parent, with an intensity that researchers described as overwhelming.

Most significantly, 37 per cent of the children were even more unhappy and dissatisfied five years after the divorce than they had been at 18 months. In other words, time did not heal their wounds. That’s the real meaning of divorce. It is certainly what I think about with righteous indignation when I see infidelity and marital deceit portrayed on television as some kind of exciting game for two.

>> Mr James Dobson, Today Online

A Precious Moments Inspiration - THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no child appeared...instead, a brick smashed into the Jaguar's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jaguar back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," he pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.

"Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:

Don't go through life so fast that someone has

to throw a brick at you to get your attention.

God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.

Sometimes when we don't have time to listen,

He has to throw a brick at us.

It's our choice to listen or not.

why is it that our beings are so frail and subjected to external influences this easily?

i certainly thought ive been doing very well thus far, (i.e. definitely after ive made up my mind to fly to GC in jun/jul).. however one simple remark, which is done out of concern, is enough to allow the suppressed fears / doubts to surface...

not sure how long i can deal with this emotional battle, sometimes i feel so tired... and wonder will giving it up makes life easier? then again, i reckon not.. it is only the loser's way of backing off eh. i rather love and risk the possibility of being hurt, than to give up a r/s thats certainly worth keeping.

i feel better now that ive rambled on the blog.. prob just nd an avenue to let it all out. happy thought to keep me going *15 more weeks to spending time with my baby* i cant wait, no matter how much it costs or takes, gonna make sure i'll be there.

Intimacy In Marriage

Imagine, if you will, two rowboats drifting
together on a choppy lake. A man sits in
one of them, and a woman rides in the other.
They have every intention of crossing the
lake together, side by side, because they
genuinely care about each other. But ever
so slowly, they begin to drift apart.

Each catches different currents and gusts of wind
that turn their little boats in opposite
directions, and before they know it, one
person sits at the north end of the lake, and
the other bobs along at the south.

They can hardly communicate with each other without
shouting from so great a distance. And by
that time, there are a number of little children
sitting in a third boat, little bewildered
children.

This is a dramatic analogy to the plight
of too many marriages today. Husbands
and wives begin their journey side by side,
with every intention of remaining together
for a lifetime. But the pressures of everyday
living turn them in their own directions and
toward their own pursuits, and away from
each other.

Unless a husband and wife are willing to row, to work together,
to talk through their difficulties and to compromise,
it's likely that they will not reach the far
side of the lake together. But it need not
happen. Their boats can remain side by
side, if each partner is simply willing to
row. Otherwise, the currents of culture will
separate them forever.

>> Article by Mr James Dobson

new beginnings

with barely 2 weeks to go, my baby will be leaving to pursue his dreams at australia... and it will be a new chapter for both of us in this relationship. much as i can't bear to see him leave, i can only pray and believe that we will be able to survive this long distance r/s. and without having my presence there, i oso pray that i will be able to continue to give him my support and trust.

lessons have also begun. yest was the first lecture on Leadership management. the lecturer was quite humourous, although sometimes the jokes he cracked are quite corny.. for a start, it seems that I am still able to handle and understand what is being taught. and also be able to relate it to my work environment. some of the similarities are simply uncanny. haha.

as for me being in a new team.. well, i guess the people around me would already have had enough procrastination from me. and im also at a point whereby i feel im complaining so much that it aint good for my health. so will take everything in my stride and hopefully am able to master that fcuked-up attitude which will then allow me to sail through the next 2 yrs peacefully.

Jan 2007 is already coming to an end soon; which reminds me that we should be getting our JLPT results soon. Hmmm, wonder if I will pass? Haha.

To Build A Fire

>> I couldn't have read this article at a better time. When you truly love a person, one should give him the trust and freedom that they need, in the hope that our partner do not abuse them. Then again, when one truly loves another, we should also know our own limits/ boundaries and stick to it; however strong the temptations are.

Jack London, in his wonderful short story
entitled To Build a Fire tells of a man caught
in a freezing blizzard. The temperature
dropped to 24 degrees Celsius below zero,
and he tried to build a fire to save his life.

He had only three matches, and the first two
were snuffed out by the wind. His life
depended on that one remaining match. He
managed to get a little fire going as he
cupped his hands, and he held his breath.

Just as it looked like he would succeed,
some snow fell from a limb overhead and
snuffed out the flame. The man was doomed
to freeze to death in the arctic night.

You know, there?s a lesson in this story
that applies to romantic relationships.
Nothing will snuff out the flickering flame of
love more quickly than hovering too close
and trying too hard to make it burn. You see,
the bonding between two people occurs
best in an atmosphere of confidence and
freedom. Those who reveal their insecurities
and attempt to force themselves on their
lovers are putting everything on the line.

That?s like tossing snow on a tiny fire. How
can you turn it into a roaring furnace? By
giving it plenty of oxygen and trusting the
combustion of the fuel. Love, you see, must
be confident; it must be free; and it must be
voluntary.