Helping A Prickly Person

When you want to offer advice to a person
about a flaw or a shortcoming in his or her
character, it's best to do it the way
porcupines make love: very, very carefully.

It's often difficult to open the eyes of
friends or relatives to their own blind spots.
It's even more risky to discuss a mistake in
the way parenting responsibilities are being
handled. You're liable to get your ears
pinned back, even when your motives are
honourable and you have the other person's
interest at heart. Let me offer a suggestion
that may be helpful in handling this delicate
assignment.

The right to criticise must be
earned, even if the advice is constructive
and desperately needed. Before you're
entitled to meddle with another person's
self-esteem, you must first demonstrate your
respect for him as a person. You have to
invest some time and effort in his life in an
atmosphere of love and kindness, and human
warmth.

When a relationship of confidence has
been carefully constructed, you'll have then
earned the right to discuss a potentially
threatening topic. Once motives have been
clarified, you can then feed your suggestions
and criticism in very small doses. But as
you do it, it's wise to keep one other thing
in mind: someone, somewhere, would like
to straighten out a few of your flaws too.

By Dr James Dobson

LOVING TOUGHNESS

Whether you need to heal a troubled
marriage or maintain a healthy relationship,
my recommendation is an attitude called
"loving toughness".

The best way to keep a marriage healthy
is to maintain a system of mutual
accountability within the context of love -
in other words, to carefully protect the line
of respect between a husband and wife.

Let me give you a personal example.
Suppose I work in my office two hours longer
than usual on a particular night knowing
that my wife is preparing a special
candlelight dinner. If I don't call to let her
know I'll be late, you can be sure I'll hear
from her when I get home.

Shirley would see my behaviour as
insulting - and she'd be right. She'd say in
effect, "Jim, what you did was selfish and
I can't let it pass." In those few words, she
would have spoken her mind in love, held
me accountable, and then we could move
on together.

In a healthy marriage, some things are
worth defending, and mutual respect is at
the top of the list. I'm not talking about
nagging, insulting or publicly embarrassing
your mate, but a workable system of "checks
and balances" can help keep your marriage
on course.

This kind of mutual accountability
is the best way I know to avoid an
unexpected explosion when stored
resentment and anger reach a critical mass.

By Dr James Dobson

recap

For the last 3 weeks, I had been dealing with much emotional upheaval; which suddenly struck me that this may be the cause of the sudden bout of gastritis that I am having now... but being me, I'm striving to be as positive as I can be... even though its tough work... I know I will be able to survive with the love and concern from all the friends around me.

I am kinda excited too, at the thought of returning to school as a part-time student pursuing my degree. After many years of procrastination, and even abandonment of the thought of ever having this certification, I have just submitted my application at SIM for the Degree of Bachelor in Business Management, majoring in (you wouldn't believe this) but yes, Human Resources.
Haha.

To me, the path of pursuing higher education is really to enrich myself and gain greater knowledge (of course, all the better if it could help me get a higher salary, lol)... and therefore, I have left the choice of the major to my cousin to decide. Having my cuz with me to pursue the degree will be a great motivational factor, as she will ensure that I don't slack (well, at least not
all the time) and that hopefully, we'll both be able to graduate in glory come 2008.

Of cos, the fact that Sam would be leaving for Australia next Feb to pursue his dream education has also greatly contributed to the above. Rather than having to "wait in vain", I might as well make full use of the time available and do something fruitful for myself. We will both then be busy, and hopefully, I won't have the energy or time to worry / think unduly.

And this leads me to think of my job. I'm already thinking that if my application is being approved, I would have to stay on in the MIS department to allow myself the flexibility and time to study. But ain't sure if my boss will agree to this, for this is not what I have told him in the first place. Granted that there are absolutely no benefits for them to let me stay on in the department for 1.5yrs, and having me transferred out to another dept eventually, I reckoned I will just put forth the proposition, and leave the final decision to him and the management.

Do understand that it's selfish of me to only stay on because I have to manage my studies, but I know I will have to sacrifice more if I were to go back to Projects during this period of time
cos I've been through it once and didn't survive even the 1st semester at school. :P

Life's generally the same... apart from the new interest in going JB for shopping (hee, one do save quite a bit)... and o my Japanese lessons are coming to an end soon. *sad* And it will be the JLPT thereafter... no surprise that I'm not at all prepared for it. Hahaha. Nevertheless, will still give it my best shot, and pray that miracles do happen. The only regret is that I won't be able to continue the higher level lessons immediately as I had planned, so will pursue this interest of mine, after I have obtained my "si fang mao". :) 请为我一起加油吧！