why is it that our beings are so frail and subjected to external influences this easily?

i certainly thought ive been doing very well thus far, (i.e. definitely after ive made up my mind to fly to GC in jun/jul).. however one simple remark, which is done out of concern, is enough to allow the suppressed fears / doubts to surface...

not sure how long i can deal with this emotional battle, sometimes i feel so tired... and wonder will giving it up makes life easier? then again, i reckon not.. it is only the loser's way of backing off eh. i rather love and risk the possibility of being hurt, than to give up a r/s thats certainly worth keeping.

i feel better now that ive rambled on the blog.. prob just nd an avenue to let it all out. happy thought to keep me going *15 more weeks to spending time with my baby* i cant wait, no matter how much it costs or takes, gonna make sure i'll be there.