Helping A Prickly Person

When you want to offer advice to a person
about a flaw or a shortcoming in his or her
character, it's best to do it the way
porcupines make love: very, very carefully.

It's often difficult to open the eyes of
friends or relatives to their own blind spots.
It's even more risky to discuss a mistake in
the way parenting responsibilities are being
handled. You're liable to get your ears
pinned back, even when your motives are
honourable and you have the other person's
interest at heart. Let me offer a suggestion
that may be helpful in handling this delicate
assignment.

The right to criticise must be
earned, even if the advice is constructive
and desperately needed. Before you're
entitled to meddle with another person's
self-esteem, you must first demonstrate your
respect for him as a person. You have to
invest some time and effort in his life in an
atmosphere of love and kindness, and human
warmth.

When a relationship of confidence has
been carefully constructed, you'll have then
earned the right to discuss a potentially
threatening topic. Once motives have been
clarified, you can then feed your suggestions
and criticism in very small doses. But as
you do it, it's wise to keep one other thing
in mind: someone, somewhere, would like
to straighten out a few of your flaws too.

By Dr James Dobson