Wow, finally time to sit down and continue writing.

Dinner with mum and her friend was good (and I believe my attitude towards the man has changed quite significantly for the sake of my mum), I hope they felt it. *chuckles*
In case you are wondering, my dad has passed away so I'm hoping my mum will eventually find another soul mate to accompany her for the rest of her life.

Once again, my colleagues made my birthday a memorable one! Its really sweet of them, and I would like to give my heartfelt thanks to each and everyone of them for their wishes and of cos, their contributions to eventually a new phone (I got a mobile phone voucher for my birthday pressie). I took some photos with the colleagues that are closer to me too =P, be posting them up soon. It's a pity Kippy wasn't around but we'll have our shots soon huh.

While spending most of my time on irc, I met my online friend Dizzy today. Although I know he will leave this world eventually (Dizzy's suffering from cancer, brain tumour), he told me he felt his days are coming to an end. I was dumbfounded and at a loss for words because he's been such a great online friend. We attempted to voice-chat and although I had many problems with Yahoo, he did not give up trying. Though it was a short chat (with lotsa problems), I was glad we gave it a shot. I made him laugh with my stupidity, and it feels so good just to hear his laughter.

Dizzy has a great voice, and he was trying hard to sound as lively for me as possible, because the drugs are taking their effects, he gets tired real easily. He had to go to bed after his morphine shots, and I hope this will not be the last I see of him. I would know I have lost this friend of mine to the battle, when I do not see his nick online anymore.

Life's certainly full of up and downs, I am trying to live a happier life now but unhappy incidents seems to come one after another though, or its simply just me to worry about everything under the sky.

My only console comes from James and the friends that I have around me. But alas, James is so far away and what he said today brought me back to reality and indeed hurt me quite abit. I loved him and the thought of not being there for him in real life is just as torturing for me. The thought of not being able to be there for him when he's sick, or to share his woes when he's down, is simply pure torture.

In James's words, I have lost track of what real love is anymore, so I don't really know how to. You can say you love me all you want, but fact of matter is, your not here, and that is definitely a killer. I am single, cause I have this notion in my head we will meet.

That hurts, way too much or maybe I am being over-sensitive. I mean it each time I say I love him, and that is the only way I can show how much I do care for this long distance online (unreal some pple call it) relationship. I would have done anything to fly over to Florida and visit him, but it now leads me to think whether I am being under realistic about it. I feel so attached to him right now, perhaps its time I learn how to curb my feelings towards this relationship too?